For many women, sexual intimacy is meant to be a source of closeness, pleasure, and connection. But for some, sex becomes something they dread — not because they don’t want to be close to their partner, but because sexual engagement brings pain.
If you’ve experienced pain with sexual activity, you are far from alone. Studies show that up to 1 in 5 women will experience sexual pain at some point in their lives.
What Causes Sexual Pain?
Painful sex (also called dyspareunia) can have many causes, including:
- Vaginal dryness (often from hormonal changes such as menopause, postpartum, breast-feeding, or certain medications)
- Pelvic floor muscle tension or dysfunction
- Pelvic nerve inflammation or dysfunction
- Pelvic infections
- GYN diagnoses such as Endometriosis, Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome
- Emotional factors such as anxiety or trauma,
- Relationship stressors
Every woman’s body is different, and often there is more than one factor involved.
How Long Do Women Wait Before Speaking Up?
Studies suggest that women often wait months to years before telling their partner about painful sex. Guilt, shame, fear of rejection, or not wanting to “disappoint” a partner frequently keep women silent.
When it comes to seeking medical care, the wait can be even longer. Research shows women may live with painful intercourse for an average of 5–7 years before bringing it up with a healthcare provider. This delay not only prolongs suffering but also makes it harder to treat when patterns of pain and avoidance are well established.
How Pain Impacts Desire and Intimacy
When sexual engagement equals pain, the body and brain begin to anticipate discomfort. Desire often fades because sex no longer feels safe or enjoyable. Women may begin to avoid physical closeness altogether, not because they don’t want their partner, but because they fear the pain that might follow. Partners begin to pull away from physical intimacy because they carry guilt around causing their mate to feel pain and shame for their own sexual desire. Both partners may feel confused, rejected, or distant.
This avoidance can ripple into every facet of the intimate relationship. Communication may become strained. What once was a source of connection can quickly turn into a place of silence, frustration, or grief.
Let’s work together to break this vicious cycle! With informed sexual wellness care, many women are able to reduce or resolve pain and rediscover closeness with their partner.
Helpful Strategies
- GYN evaluation to rule out infections, identify hormonal imbalances, or other conditions
- Routine vulvar and vaginal hydration
- Pelvic floor exercises
- Vaginal dilators to gently restore comfort and flexibility
- Position adjustments and expanding intimacy beyond penetration
- Stress reduction and mindfulness practices to reduce anxiety around intimacy
The Role of a Sexuality Counselor
A sexuality counselor offers more than a listening ear — they provide practical guidance and education for both women and couples.
- Teaching body care strategies like hydration, lubrication, and gentle self-touch
- Guiding pelvic floor relaxation and breathing exercises
- Supporting women in learning to use vibrators and vaginal dilators comfortably
- Helping couples develop intimate habits to prepare the woman’s body for sex — such as sensual touch, pelvic massage, and non-penetrative play
- Coaching couples in communication skills to reduce shame, increase understanding, and strengthen emotional intimacy
- Counselors often collaborate with medical providers, pelvic floor therapists, or mental health clinicians, ensuring a comprehensive support system is in place.
At its core, sexuality counseling is about empowering women and couples to understand their bodies, reclaim pleasure, and restore intimacy without shame or fear.
Final Thoughts
If sex has been painful, I hope you can receive this message: you are not broken, and you are not alone. At Intimate Pathways Center for Sexual Health, we walk alongside women and couples as they navigate solution focused care. Together, we create a plan that honors your body, reclaims confidence, and nurtures intimacy.
Please reach out to schedule a complimentary, no pressure, introductory call with Traci @ 918-283-7130.