Experiential Intimacy is seen in couples who actively engage in the relationship through common hobbies, social activities, community service opportunities, and shared recreational activities. The experiences of a shared journey are found in the births, deaths, milestones, firsts, lasts, accomplishments, and defeats of life. The couple seeks recreational time together which is mutually pleasurable. This does not mean that each person will always equally enjoy the activity at hand, but they will find pleasure in the joy of their mate in that moment.

Experiential intimacy develops as we live out our lives together, both in the day-to-day and the once-in-a-lifetime experiences that create “our story”. 

For some couples, seeking opportunities to connect through experiential intimacy comes easily and for other couples there must be more intentional creativity to find experiences that both can find pleasure and relaxation. 

I am reminded of a couple in their mid-40’s that I worked with a couple of years ago. They voiced distance and boredom in their intimate relationship from a variety of different angles. As we were working through different realms of relationship intimacy, it became evident that they shared very little life experiences together. Both were quite socially and recreationally engaged, but not with each other. 

Her routine activities beyond her 45-hour work week included a women’s bible study, a quilting circle, road-trip antiquing on weekends with her sisters, attending ball games to watch her son, and volunteering at the crisis pregnancy facility. His routine activities beyond his 50-hour work week included helping his brothers manage the family ranch, golfing with his college buddies, tent camping/fishing/hunting, and he volunteers as a coach for his son’s football and basketball teams. They shared minimal time together alone and exploring life as a couple.

If you’d like to learn more about experiential intimacy, or any of the other realms we have covered in the Couple’s Connection Blog, please contact me at [email protected], or leave your information on this page here. We have a fantastic video series we’d like to send you!