It is the age-old question…what does it take to be a good lover? 

When a man begins to develop erectile loss due to age, chronic health issues, mental health issues, medications, lifestyle choices, etc, this question takes on a whole new meaning. 

Men voice worries that the size of their penis, their ability to obtain an erection, to maintain an erection, to penetrate a vagina, to delay orgasm, to achieve orgasm, and to ejaculate, must be at the heart of what folks want from their sexual partners.

I can say from a personal perspective, professional training, research, and a multitude of conversations with clients, that while mates adore their man, and his penis, these male focused worries rarely make the top 10 list of what constitutes a good lover. 

There is power in learning about YOUR partner’s “top 10 wonderful lover traits” list. Here are some commonly identified traits of a good lover.

  1. Connection to each other emotionally, with open honesty, depth, and vulnerability.
  2. Passion for living life, zest for growing, and confidence without arrogance.
  3. Daily expressions of non-sexual affection like holding hands, hugs, gentle touches, kisses, voiced appreciation, admiration, snuggles, etc.
  4. Clean, natural, and raw pheromones – smell and chemistry baby!
  5. Chivalry (it’s not dead after all!) –  this is about making your mates comfort, safety, and security your priority at all times.
  6. Shared whispers of things only lovers can know together.
  7. Carefully planned dates and celebrating important milestones together.
  8. Taking time to know your lovers sensual and sexual body – beyond the breast & genital imperative.
  9. A selfless lover who prioritizes pleasure over “getting to the finish line”.
  10. Innovative in bed – not afraid to explore new experiences, works to keep sex from becoming stale, and brings priority to playfulness.

This is good news. It means that even if the response of your penis lacks luster during any given experience, you have so many other opportunities to be the valiant lover your partner is desiring! 

If your intimate relationship could benefit from guided professional conversation about your sexual worries, I would be honored to be that provider. Schedule a 15-minute complimentary conversation to see if this would be a good fit for you.